/u/[deleted]'s posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

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What's the difference between a polic officer and a bullet?

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I'm in no mood to type in the report, so I set a few monkey on the task.

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I'm in no mood to type in the report, so I set a few monkeys on the task.

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I threatened to kick my roommate out if he kept stealing my stuff, and last night, he stole my last drinking utensil.

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Don't tie someone to a relationship

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On my first day at my new job I cornered a giant mouse in a corner and tried to kill it

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Wait so you actually got polested? NSFW

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My family cannot stand my new girlfriend

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“You’re so brave to skip taking your blood pressure medication.”

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My phone started ringing an hour after the murder...

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
What's the difference between a polic officer and a bullet?	1
I'm in no mood to type in the report, so I set a few monkey on the task.	1
I'm in no mood to type in the report, so I set a few monkeys on the task.	1
I threatened to kick my roommate out if he kept stealing my stuff, and last night, he stole my last drinking utensil.	1
Don't tie someone to a relationship	1
On my first day at my new job I cornered a giant mouse in a corner and tried to kill it	1
Wait so you actually got polested? NSFW	1
My family cannot stand my new girlfriend	1
“You’re so brave to skip taking your blood pressure medication.”	1
My phone started ringing an hour after the murder...	1